As Grand-Ork of the ninth subplanet in our Hadar System, I urge you to consider all beings equally and as equals. There has been a long-standing debate, that I happen to be well aware of, regarding the intrinsic worth of those fellow citizens who are in the possession of a number of tentacles that is neither a disom [the Hadarian term for a Fibonacci number] nor a non-prime number. Yes, I know how ridiculous this might sound, and I myself have been beholden to the sweet nectar of mockery, but today I want to make a stand before you, a stand that should resonate in the realms of all subplanets.
Your number of tentacles is irrelevant to our constitution. Your identity is not determined by your appendages! As a consequence, the color, odor, and in some cases even the sound of your tentacles, does not play a role either. You are all citizens of Hadar, you all have an inalienable right to exercise your liberty and to pursue happiness. And let me remind you, in the face of recent rumors of disenfranchisement, that you all have an equal vote.
You may cast your ballot with a tentacle of your own choosing. And now let me say something truly extraordinary, something that could write history if the grand Orks of the other subplanets follow suit, regarding our fellow creatures with zero tentacles.
[a chilling shudder rolls through the crowd]
Yes, even the tentacleless are citizens. Today, we all come together. I will be the Grand Ork of Unity. We will overcome any obstacles, first and foremost, to state the obvious, the inability of those without tentacles to cast a ballot.
how? how? a Grunk in the crowd bellows.
You will have to trust me, that’s how. As Grand Ork I take it upon myself to be the Grand Ork of all Hadarians. Those fellow citizens without tentacles will be given the opportunity to dictate their ballot to a Xzyripsis [roughly the same as our computer terminal] and mail them to a special depot.
but they don’t contribute anything to the subplanet! They are called zeroes for a reason, shouted an old Moorshank, who was in quite a grumpy mood after two of her husbands had left her for a younger Phylibre.
Is that ours to determine? The Grand Ork raised his voice? Is it not the very essence of our humbleness and grace, that we shall defer judgment to an Eternal Future? And besides, by just being, those poor zeroes, as you call them, can offer a sense of purpose to the citizens who rub their backs and slosh their gourd. Is that well understood?
[The crowd began to cheer hesitantly, but soon swelled into tumultuous applause]
I stand before you on this day, said the Grand Ork, and urge you to speak to each other. Look, my cousin who is half Grunk, has 37 tentacles. He is neither non-prime nor is he a disom. I have learned to engage with him and believe it or not, he can accomplish all the tasks we can, albeit in a wildly different manner. But doesn’t that add joy to our lives? Aren’t we to celebrate Hadarian diversity? No more fear! We will not be governed by the zeroes and primes and nondisoms. The justification of our government, and I pray the next Grand Orks down the line will agree with me, will flow in equal measure from the will of every single creature in Hadar. Bless you all!